I spent most of my life the one in the reigns. I spent most of my life begging for change. I spent most of my life running away. Just because you call it "home," don't mean it's the right place. I spent most of my life wading through school. I spent most of my life following rules, that the older people said was the right thing to do, but the older people don't look so happy anymore. I think it's the simple life that I don't even live. When love is all you get from it, and love is all you give. I spent all my youngest years cultivating sin of never letting any of my real dreams begin. Well now I'm feeling fine. I'm letting the drugs kick in. Well now I'm feeling high. I'm letting our love begin. And there's something so nice about knowing without a doubt that the person you are right now is the person you love to be. I think it's the simple life that I don't even live. When love is all you get from it, and love is all you give. I spent all my youngest years cultivating sin of never letting any of my real dreams begin.

Lyrics: So here's the love song I've been waiting to write, about the way you look in my eyes, about the way you do that half-smile, about how I don't know what to do. My stomach feels emptied out, my heart turned upside down, and I can't wait for tomorrow. it's when I see you again. All the white lies that I told you, on the day that I first met you. Of course I wait at the bus-stop for you. Of course I remember all the times I've seen you. And the way that you asked me, "blowjobs or cheese?" And the way that I kept smiling. it felt weird not to when you left. There's a beauty I see in your face. That your blemishes can't erase. That will time will probably increase, and I'll be worse off than I was. I see you look at the other guys, And I know that I just met you, but there's something I see inside you that makes me jealous, makes me jealous all the time. It makes me jealous when you won't look into my eyes It makes me scared that I could love somebody else. It makes me scared that I could have really found the one. And it makes me scared 'cause I don't know just what I've done. So there's the love song I've been waiting to write about the way you look in my eyes, about the way you do that half-smile, and about how I still don't know what to do.

One year ago today, this place was the same. I just had fewer things. But we've been the constant since the trick at the tailgate led you to be one of the reasons I deserve the title, "man." A friend said the other day, "I can't believe how much you've changed, What a better person thatx she's made you." And I know that's entirely true, even though I'd refuse like a stubborn tree that won't admit to losing his leaves. But if you dig far enough and sever some. New dirt. If you dig far enough and sever some, new dirt becomes a paradise. I've seen myself grow so much in her eyes. And god damn I'm so proud of the both of us. So I put my head right atop her shoulder. Babe I know I'm 21, but I feel so much older. I hear so many people say, well that this is the year. This is the year. This is the year.

This song is dedicated to the three beautiful people that died in New Zealand in the Spring of 2012. Roch Jauberty Austin Brashears Daniela Lekhno ----------------- Have you seen my friends? Have you seen my friends? Have you seen my friends? Last time I checked they were in New Zealand. Have you seen my friends? Have you seen Roch, Daniela, or Austin? Have you seen my friends? Last time I checked they were in New Zealand All the valley kids, with their mothers' hands on their wrists, they never lived, but you did You taught me a lesson, and though I don't like death to serve as that, a reminder of my mortality A reminder of the man I need to be. A reminder that these days really are a blessing. A reminder of the coast, good ideas, and jokes, And where we had left them. It was great to be in the presence of a person of love, with a heart made of gold. Have you seen my friends? Have you seen Roch, Daniela, or Austin? Have you seen my friends? Last time I checked they were in New Zealand.

It's all horniness and drinking. Will you take off all your clothes. It's all pretend love we're making. Let's make sure that no one knows. Now she's making me food, and kissing me on the cheek. In the morning when she leaves my room, I pretend I'm still asleep So pull the blankets over my eyes, but I can still taste your breath. There's so much worry in our disguise that you're not "her" and I'm not "him." No I'm not "him." But here we sit exchanging "gifts" a mouthful of spit and the fantasy of flips, inside and out. And here we act like a lovers pact in sheets attacked, biting and barebacked, but this ain't home. And while we've arranged the props and stage, there's still an ending that I can't fake, but I still try. And so we've becoming the silent guns, ready to cum, Score then it's won, and then I run. Then I run away Because this never satisfies me. So I repeat. I never cared much for numbers, but still I'm keeping score. Wondering just what I'm doing wrong. I can't seem to have what I had before. You arrive in the dim light, solitude, and car rides, just for one night, and speak like it's just right what I can find. And if I just stand with hawk eyes, continue the same sight, and stop being so shy, then I just might. Oh I just might. But here we sit exchanging "gifts" a mouthful of spit and the fantasy of flips, inside and out. And here we act like a lovers pact in sheets attack, biting and barebacked, but this ain't home. And while we've arranged the props and stage, there's still an ending that I can't fake, but I still try. And so we've becoming the silent guns, ready to cum, Score then it's won, and then I run. Then I run away Because this never satisfies me. So I repeat. So I wait on the dock with the bait and the bone, the rocks and the weeds, the beer and the pole, and I'm waiting for tugs to tell me I'm home, Oh gimme the gold, oh show me. I'm sold. But it's all in the faith of the weight of the stones, and the burden of love, and the muscle that's toned to beat to the core, satifaction, you whore. with the clothes on the floor, the knock on the door. When your number is useless, and I've forgotten the score, 'Cause I've never remembered something like this before, But there's always room for something more. But your skin's always scales, and your lungs never fill, and whether you're happy, it's too hard to tell, So I tally you down for the memory in me that says, "I'm not so lonely in the middle of the sea." But I've learned not to trust my memory.

Lyrics: Terrified to split the coast Is it "ego" that lines me up? Or drive "id" like wind in random pressure around my Earth? But "super" likes to tell me that I'm failing. Oh I'm not enough Can Professor Wolf be trained to spill the blood, but clean it up? This city's lungs aren't perfect, crushed and beaten by rocks and bones, and just because she spits in her own water don't mean she's not at home. Coursing street veins, badly planned apartments eating the space. The beauty smells of humid wood and dead roads. Under the spinning wheel dissolves the hates. Truth has doubts, and they come out. The warmest sun can be covered by clouds. So don't spread yourself thin, or the walls keep you in An unforgivable sin to never begin. A slightly different Augustana reference becomes the joke. That anthem for the last move at the start of the "real world" And logic seems to lose the fight to emotion. Eyes that cry don't always see what's right in front of them. Clear reasons why. But you've got to go with your gut. You might sacrifice love, and take a step in the mud 'til you've had enough. But no one has just one dream, and it's the regrets that plead at the door on their knees for you to come clean. So come clean. Truth has doubts, and they come out. The warmest sun can be covered by clouds. So don't spread yourself thin, or the walls keep you in An unforgivable sin to never begin. Oh I'll never begin.

Lyrics: Broken, escaping, you're leaving you don't need to be. Can't you expect to believe all the things that you say? Oh so I'll hang on to your lies, your mystery eyes, just as long as you keep hinting that somewhere there's a piece of you that's holding on to me And I'm stuck in your limbo of promises you never keep. And your words never matter they're only there to appease me. And that bullshit from your "real heart" fighting your comfort zone can go fuck itself. I want real answers, not the fantasies you built around the bridge you'd never cross. You're a smile in the darkness. You're an open flame. You're the early bird, and I'm your anxious worm. You're the shivering after. You're the sinking inside. I just picture your face, and I don't know where to go with that. 'Cause I just feel caged. I just feel caged. You can shake your head or nod. A one syllable answer will do. I'm so sick of waiting, I'm so sick of thinking, I'm so sick of worrying about you. I just want to know how this concludes. I just want to know what I'm s'posed to be doing about you. You're a smile in the darkness. You're an open flame. You're the early bird, and I'm your anxious worm. You're the shivering after. You're the sinking inside. I just picture your face, and I don't know where to go with that. 'Cause I just feel caged. I just feel caged. I just picture your face. I just picture your face and I don't know where to go with that. 'Cause I just feel caged. I just feel caged.

Lyrics: I sit on my throne, the mortal king no one knows, and the apathy grows. I cover the room in passions and blues, but the horn's never tune. And the rocket goes off, the peasants hum along They too often know the song. There's a snap and we bleed, We went straight for the cheese and ignored all our needs. Well the archers are poised to cut down the noise that springs from all of our joy. They flash caps and gowns, paychecks and crowns while we laugh at the sound of the poor boys in bars just playing guitar. Well they know who they are. While we follow the rules of drivel for jewels in the specter of school. Well you lost me. But you caught. You've built a terrifying army Get us early, so I don't know what's crawling on me. I'm sick of lying to myself. I'm sick of pretending that I am somebody else.

Lyrics: Speed this lovers' death bed. On my neck there's marks of good times came and went. The resin's weakened with every spent flame. Not enough to keep me sane. So I'll just lie down slowly. Our time wasted like a drink that's become tasteless, but it still tingles with carbonation And all at once the bubbles pop. And all at once it's all gone. Because you break me down. Lassoed salary fills fantasies from child's hells lifted the spell but tearing up the love and lust Success or bust But is that really us? Is that really us? But you break me down. One, two, three, count me in. One, two, three, count me down. Let me fall on my face. Let me taste the ground. But then the rocks, they move and uncover buried truths Is this good for me? Or unhealthy for you? So let's just move our hands across our backs, and comfort each other 'til we fade to black My double standards light the path to jealousy and looking back It's only night. It's only night. It's only night when we realize the two of us will expire.

There's a little piece of metal in my heart, and sometimes I forget it's there, with the building and sidewalk and water in my head, but it comes back so easily when I see your face again. There's a little piece of metal in my heart, and sometimes it hurts much worse than usual. So I take to the streets or the guitar to relieve me, but nothing ever seems to remove it for good. There's a little piece of metal in my heart. There's a little piece of metal in my heart. There's a little piece of metal in my heart. But what if I die with it there?

Lyrics: I was young but I was bigger then When I sold the neighbor's weight in chocolate But older comes just like a joke told again but someone wasn't listening. Well it's the same ending Just like the smoke I rise enough just to blend in with the rest of us. Just like the dust I jump off the ground, just to be seen then I settle down Just like the stone there's hope in the skip but everyone knows that the water wins, eventually. Here's to the boy who's waking early to beat the traffic two hours out of town He waves goodbye, feels a little less lonely, but he knows he'll be back down All of his runs for escaping or bleeding end up a time trial circuit around the block He knows that young age is a priceless blessing so he spends all his time adjusting the clock to the next time zone. But nobody's home. I've defined success by a framed piece of paper and a salary And I avoid what I know is best like getting out, playing loud, and following through with this. Well I've defined success by how well I can run away from risk One point every time that you miss. Tally up. Tally up my success. Have I lived a better life than this?